


Running 'Round Making Scars

by Alaina1029



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cutting, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gay, M/M, My poor son Michael, Suicidal Thoughts, hopefully..., i love him I swear, very gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-06
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-11-09 22:31:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 3,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11114247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alaina1029/pseuds/Alaina1029
Summary: After the whole “Squip Incident”, things were crazy. Jeremy took a little while to heal, but his friends had his back. Especially Michael. Michael kinda felt like an outsider since he was never squipped, and he can’t connect with everyone as well as they do. Jeremy still always tries to keep Michael with him and keep him around, especially since he feels really bad about what he did to Michael at the Halloween party. The Halloween party. The thought of that made Michael shiver. Speaking of healing from the incident, Michael would probably never heal.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic on Ao3 so please don't judge me!

     After the whole “Squip Incident”, things were crazy. Jeremy took a little while to heal, but his friends had his back. Especially Michael. Michael kinda felt like an outsider since he was never squipped, and he can’t connect with everyone as well as they do. Jeremy still always tries to keep Michael with him and keep him around, especially since he feels really bad about what he did to Michael at the Halloween party. The Halloween party. The thought of that made Michael shiver. Speaking of healing from the incident, Michael would probably never heal.

* * *

     It had been a month or so since the whole squip thing happened, and everyone had pretty much forgotten about it. Everyone forgave each other and Michael and Jeremy were official “Cool Kids”. Yay.  There was one person, however, that Michael didn’t forgive. You may think it was Jeremy. Michael obviously forgave Jeremy about the whole “Michael in the Bathroom” thing, since no one could stay mad at Jeremy Heere. Michael didn’t forgive himself. He already had so much social anxiety and slight depression, but that put the icing on the cake. Even though, deep down, he knew nothing was his fault, he couldn’t help but feel solely responsible for what happened to Jeremy. If he hadn’t gave Jeremy some money, or if he was just a better person and friend in general, this whole might not have happened. Michael thought about that a lot. Especially at night, when no one was around to hear his sobs, or see him break apart. At night, he thought about that exact moment when Jeremy broke his heart in the bathroom.

* * *

     “Get out my way, **loser.** ” said Jeremy, firmly and annoyed. Michael went in shock and stepped out of the way. Jeremy stormed out of the bathroom and slammed the door. The minute he heard the crack of the door, he collapsed and burst into sobs. Jeremy has called him a loser before, but it was always a light-hearted joke, and he didn’t really mean it. This, this was real. Jeremy meant it. It was not a joke. After a while of dying on the floor, Michael got up and locked the door. He went to the mirror. All he saw, was a loner, someone who no one liked. He saw someone who would never be loved, someone who was worthless. A loser. He started talking to himself, saying, “I wish I stayed at home in bed, watching cable porn,” _Of course you do, you worthless pervert!_ He cried a little more and punched the mirror. “I WISH I OFFED MYSELF INSTEAD, I WISH I WAS NEVER BORN!” He was sobbing even more now, pretty much laying on the broken glass. But it didn’t hurt, he couldn’t feel it. He couldn’t feel anything. Actually, he kinda felt good. He picked up a piece of glass and studied it. He could see himself in it. He could see the loser. _God he’s such a loser! God you’re such a loser!!! GOD I’M SUCH LOSER!!!!! Loserloserloserloserloserloserloserloserloser...._ Those words echoed in his head, and before he knew it, he had freshly cut marks all over his right arm. The beads of blood were rising from the thin cuts. But he felt ok. He felt good. For once, he found something else he can use to make him happy again.


	2. Chapter 2

_Loser...loser...loser…“Michael?_ Michael?! MICHAEL!” yelled Jeremy, which snapped Michael out of his thoughts. He looked around to see everyone staring at him. “Oh,” he said, embarrassed. “Sorry!” They were at lunch, and they were all at their usual lunch table. By they, I mean Christine, Chloe, Brooke, Jenna, Rich, Jake, Jeremy, and of course Michael. They must’ve asked him a question and he was zoned out. _Great job, stupid._ “Shut up!” He yelled. Everyone looked confused. “Um, Michael?” said Jeremy. “Are you ok?” “Pssh, yeah!” he answered back with a fake smile. “I was just thinking about something.” Jeremy and everyone else didn’t seem to buy it, because their gazes lingered on him for a while. Michael felt like he was sweating and his smile slightly faltered. “Guys I’m fine! I’m just gonna, uh, throw away my leftovers,” he said, gesturing to his full tray of untouched food. He got up, threw away all his food, and slipped out of the cafeteria. “Uh, that was,” started Christine. “Weird,” finished Brooke. Out of all the concerned faces at the table, Jeremy’s was the most concerned. “I’m gonna go see what's wrong,” said Jeremy. They all nodded and Jeremy got up and left. 

* * *

_      Ugh! Good job stupid! They think you are crazy! Why would they want to be friends with a lunatic like you?!  _ Michael was freaking out. He left the cafeteria and and was wandering in the hallway.  _ What if someone sees you?! Especially one of your “friends”. Or can you even call them that?! I bet they hate you! Especially Jeremy! He’s right, you know. You are a loser!  _ Michael was scratching at his scars on his arm, and sitting on the floor in front of some locker somewhere. He didn’t know if he was crying or not, he couldn’t tell. He felt numb. He was having a anxiety attack.

* * *

     Jeremy was really worried about Michael. He usually didn’t act this way. Jeremy knew he had anxiety, but he was usually always chill. Then again, he was the master at hiding his feelings. He left through the same door Michael had left from, and was looking through hallways and classrooms. He checked the bathroom first, for obvious reasons, but Michael wasn’t there. He was walking down a hallway when he heard sobbing. “What?” he muttered. He started running and turned the corner at the next hallway. Michael was sitting on the floor, in front of some lockers, crying. He was moving his arms from holding his head to scratching his arms. He was muttering something under his breath.  _ Holy shit.  _ “Michael!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it! Idk if this is a good cliffhanger or not.


	3. Chapter 3

     “Michael!” screamed Jeremy. Michael stopped moving. He heard Jeremy from across the hallway and knew he was about to get thoroughly interrogated after his meltdown was over.  _ Well great job. He probably thinks you are mentally ill right now. You are so crazy, you loser!  _ Michael closed his eyes. “S-Shut up,” he mumbled through tears.  _ Why on Earth would you make such a big deal at the lunch table?! And you had your little tantrum so loudly! I bet everyone knows! EVeryone knows you are such a loser! Especially Jeremy. He even expresses it. Look at his face!  _ Michael opened his eyes and shock and looked up to see Jeremy sitting in front of him, with a really concerned face.  _ Concerned? More like weirded out!  _ Michael lost it again. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t hear. He felt like he couldn’t move, even though through the tears, he could see himself doing the same thing as before. Holding his head, and scratching his arms. His arms. What if Jeremy saw?! He could feel Jeremy there, trying to calm him. He could hear Jeremy saying it’s gonna be ok, but just barely. Michael grasped onto Jeremy and kinda just hugged him and cried into his jacket. Jeremy kinda flinched, but didn’t pull away. Jeremy hugged him back, rubbing circles on his back. They sat like that till Michael had eventually calmed down (let’s pretend everyone is still at lunch cause Michael can’t chill if everyone is stepping on him by the lockers). “Michael?” asked Jeremy. “Do you need anything because, like, I could get you water or food or something. I mean, ‘cause you didn’t eat any of your food at lunch.” Michael shook his head. He could feel and hear Jeremy sigh at the fact Michael was even communicating. “Do you maybe want a band-aid, ‘cause your arms are bl-” Jeremy cut himself off when he looked down at Michael’s arms. Michael looked down in shame and fear. “Wait, how did they bleed so easily? You were scratching at them through your jacket! Was there already an open wound or cut be-” he cut himself off again. Michael looked up and Jeremy and saw something that broke his heart again. He saw Jeremy start to cry. “Dude...why would you do that?” Jeremy started. “What if you did it wrong?! You can lose so much blood! What if you died?!?!” Jeremy’s crying face held a mix of disappointment, sadness, and fear. “Y-You should’ve told someone,” said Jeremy. “I know…” said Michael in a hoarse voice from all the bawling. “You should’ve told me, Michael,” said Jeremy. “I know…” Michael felt so much shame, and anger for letting himself do this. He fucking hurt Jeremy! “I’m sorry,” Michael said. They looked at each other, and went back to hugging for what felt like eternity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to clear up some stuff, Michael doesn't have a squip in case anyone was wondering. He just thinks that stuff about himself. He's supposed to be his own squip. Also, this chapter is so short 'cause I sort of ran out of ideas. The next chapter will start on the next day. Hope this was good!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry I haven't updated! I'm working on something else currently and I haven't had the time. Here's a small update, I swear I'll make a better chapter after this soon!

“Michael?” A day had passed since Michaels big panic attack. Even though he cried because of Jeremy, Michael couldn’t help but love him even more. Jeremy cared about him, and that dumb squip made him forget about it. It was all the squip. Except the time at the bathroom, when it was gone...but Jeremy was drunk so it wasn’t really his fault, right? Right?! That’s what he was thinking about in math the next day, not paying attention to whatever the math teacher was teaching. “Michael Mell!” The teacher yelling his name bolted him out of his trance. “What, uh, yes?” he stuttered. “Can you give the class and I the answer to the question I just asked?” the teacher said, pointing to the board.  _ Ha! You are so screwed, you idiot! Why can’t you just fucking pay attention in class like all the other good girl and boys? I bet Jeremy would like you if you were smart and not some brok-  _ “SHUT UP!!!” screamed Michael. The class looked shocked, especially Jeremy and Christine, who were probably the most well behaved of the class. The teacher gasped. “Well, you can see yourself to the office, Mr. Mell.” she said, pointing towards the door and scowling. Michael slowly got up and went to the door.  _ Great job! Now everyone in class thinks you’re some delinquent who smarts off to the teachers.  _ Michael left the classroom and went down to the office.


	5. Chapter 5

     Jeremy was super worried about Michael. He had that big panic attack the other day, and he cuts! Why didn’t Michael tell him? Does he not trust him? And why does he cut? WHAT IF HE DIED?! Those were the thoughts going through Jeremy’s head during math. He was knocked out of his head when the teacher yelled Michael’s name. “Michael Mell!” Michael looked like he was zoned out too, but snapped right to attention at that. “What, uh, yes?” Michael stuttered. “Can you give the class and I the answer to the question I just asked?” asked the teacher. Michael’s face visibly paled at that moment and his eyes went wide. He looked down for a few seconds, looking pretty anxious until he screamed. “SHUT UP!!!” Jeremy gasped, Christine gasped behind him, everyone gasped. Michael wasn’t one to yell at teachers, or really talk at all unless he had to. After Michael yelled, he looked shocked, embarrassed, anxious, scared, and sad all at the same time. “Well, you can see yourself to the office, Mr. Mell.” said the teacher, fuming. Michael got up slowly, and left the classroom. Jeremy and Christine exchanged worried looks. Jeremy raised his hand. “Yes, Jeremy?” asked the teacher. Jeremy answered with, “Could I, uh, go, to the, uh, b-bathroom? Please?” the teacher rolled her eyes. “After you fill out this sheet I gave all of you, she said, pointing to the untouched worksheet on Jeremy’s desk. Jeremy solved and wrote down the answers as fast as he could and put the paper on the teacher’s desk as he ran out of the classroom. “Dang,” Rich whispered to Jake. “He really had to pee.” Jeremy raced down the hallway towards the office and asked, “Hey uh, did Michael Mell ever come down here?” The secretary shook her head. Jeremy ran out and checked all the bathrooms. “Where the fuck did he go…” mumbled Jeremy as he checked the last bathroom in the school. He went inside and checked through the stalls until he came to the last one. Jeremy screamed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How to make your readers hate you:  
> 1\. Leave for 3 months doing something besides writing.  
> 2\. Come back, just to give them a cliffhanger.  
> It's because I love you guys! *blows a kiss*


	6. A Small Message

You are are super excited for the next chapter, so I'll just say this.

Let's just say, the next chapter will be on to **DIE** for...

.

.

.

.

...cause it will be so amazing! :D

See you guys next chapter! (Which will probably be today or tomorrow)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MWAHAHAHAHA!!! Love y'all!


	7. Chapter 6

     Michael left the classroom, but didn’t go into the office. He ran right past it to his locker. He opened it fast and reached into the very bottom of his backpack. And slammed his locker and ran to the bathrooms, pocket knife in hand.  _ Oh great, you made a fool of yourself, and now you are running off to kill yourself. I mean, why, only a portion of the school is in that math class. Hardly anyone saw. And it wasn’t that big of a deal. But then again,  _ **_Jeremy_ ** _ was there. I bet he is so disgusted by your horrible behavior that he never wants to talk to you again.  _ Michael was already in the bathroom by the time his thoughts stopped bombarding him. He ran to the farthest stall and just sat on his knees in front of the toilet, crying. Michael opened the knife and held it to his arm. “the one thing i won’t fail at…” he whispered as he closed his eyes. 

* * *

     Jeremy screamed. In front of him. He saw Michael, laying across the toilet, covered in blood. “MICHAEL?!?!” Jeremy yelled, shaking him. He yanked out his phone and called the police. Once he hung up with the police, Jeremy kneeled down next to Michael. Looking at him, Jeremy whispered, “why...why didn’t you tell me…” Jeremy started to cry. “I didn't want...to hurt you…” he heard Michael say, ever so softly. “MICHAEL!!!” Jeremy yelled way too loud. “Michael, if when you go to the hospital, you d-die,” Jeremy said, with voice cracking. “I will be hurt more than anything…” Michael started to cry. Jeremy cried even more. 

* * *

     The police and ambulance sirens were heard from in the school, and the teachers excused themselves from the classroom, leaving the students confused. Everyone gathered in the commons, except for The Friends™. “Where’s Jeremy?” asked Brooke. “He went to the bathroom about 10 minutes ago.” said Jake. “No,” said Christine. “He went to look for Michael.” “Wait, what happened with Michael?” asked Chloe. “Oh, he was zoned out in our math class today and he got in trouble, and he looked super freaked out.” said Rich. “Why?” asked Jenna. “I don’t know, ” said Christine. “Anyways, Jeremy went to go talk to him.” Chloe, Jenna, Brooke, Rich, and Jake all nodded their heads. Christine was really the only one who knew what was going on. “So…..where are Michael and Jeremy then?” asked Chloe. “I...actually don’t know.” said Christine. “Rich and I will check the dudes bathrooms.” said Jake, wrapping an arm around Rich. Rich blushed. “Haha yup!” he said with an awkward smile. As they left for the bathrooms, the girls all looked at each other and smirked. “Gay.” they all said at the same time with a laugh as they split up to look for Michael and Jeremy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :D
> 
> Sorry this was trash! I hope this was good enough of a chapter!


	8. Another Small Message

     Hey guys! I swear I'm trying to work on the next chapter, but my inspiration is weak. I am SOOOOO into Be More Chill, so it's not like I'm out of the fandom. I will probably write some random one shots too. I just can't think of what to add to the next chapter so I won't disappoint you guys!

     Also, I'm writing a Dear Evan Hansen fanfic called "The Boy With Blonde Hair". I just wanted to write one, so I did! I just finished writing the first chapter, which will be WAY longer than the chapters for the BMC fanfic. I will probably post it in a few minutes after I post this. I hope you will like it and sorry for the slow updates for this story!


	9. Chapter 7

     Rich and Jake walked over to the boys bathroom, and didn’t see anything. There were three bathrooms in the school, so they went to the second closest one. After there was nothing in that one, they checked the one in the very back of the school where no one really went. Jake walked in, with Rich right behind him. Rich heard Jake call out, “Jeremy!” Jake ran over to him and screamed at what Jeremy was looking at. Rich would’ve laughed, because that was the girliest and cutest scream ever, but that was before Rich walked over and saw what Jake and Jeremy were looking at.

* * *

     Christine and Jenna checked half of the empty classrooms, and Chloe and Brooke checked the other half. The found nothing. They met up with each other and were about to join the other students at the front of the school, when they heard a scream. It was so faint and quiet, but they heard it. “Who was that?” asked Christine. “I don’t know,” said Jenna. “Was it a boy or a girl?” asked Brooke. “I think it was a girl? Maybe?” said Chloe. They turned around and tried to find where the sound came from.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this was so short! I'm trying I swear!


	10. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bleh. Sorry for the late update!

     The girls walked over to the boys bathroom in the back of the school. “Um? Are you sure it came from here?” asked Brooke. “Yes. I heard it, I’m sure of it!” stated Christine. Jenna put her ear to the door and heard sobbing. “Guys, that sounds like the boys.” The girls stepped forward. “Hello?!” called Chloe. They heard heavy footsteps on the tile floor, and then Rich appeared at the doorway. He looked like he had cried, which they hadn’t seen since, the um...fire. “Omg Rich are you ok?” asked Brooke. “Where’s Michael and Jeremy?” asked Christine. “Who screamed?” asked Jenna. “Omg was it Jake?!” asked Chloe. Rich just stared at them and motioned for them to come in. The girls exchanged looks of confusion, but followed him into the boy's bathroom. They walked in to see Jake on the floor by Jeremy who was in front of a stall. There was something red on the floor. “OMG! Is that blood?!” yelled Jenna. “BLOOD?!” screamed Brooke. The girls ran towards the stall and Brooke walked cautiously. They saw Michael laying on the floor in the stall, with his wrists covered with paper towels that were stained red. “OMG!!!” screamed Brooke. She looked a little tired. “i think i’m gonna, uh, pass out…” muttered Brooke. “Oh geez!” said Chloe as she ran to catch Brooke as she went unconscious. “What happened to Michael?!” asked Jenna. Jeremy looked up with bloodshot, puffy eyes and said, “He tried to kill himself.” Christine started crying and went to comfort Jeremy. Jenna looked really shocked and surprised, but ran out to go get the police. 

* * *

     When the police came into the building, they said a boy named Jeremy had called about a suicide attempt. The teachers all gasped. Jenna came bolting down the hallway towards them. “He! *pant* is over! *cough cough* there!” she sputtered out as she pointed down the hallway towards the bathroom. She caught he breathe and lead them to the bathroom and they went inside. The brought Michael and Brooke to the ambulance, since they were both unconscious. Jeremy wanted to go with Michael, but they said there was no room and he had to stay at the school. Christine, Jake, Jenna, Rich, and Chloe tried to protest, but the nurses and officers didn’t budge and left with Brooke and Michael. The Crew™ tried to comfort Jeremy, but he just looked dead and didn’t really answer. The teachers dismissed the students from school, and Jeremy had to walk home since Michael couldn’t drive him home. Just thinking about that made him break down on the walk home.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked this chapter, give kudos and comment if I should continue!


End file.
